The Story Behind Your Book: Rosa’s Choice

I so clearly remember the night I rushed home from a night out and blurted out to my husband, ‘I’m going to write a book and it’s going to really help women who have lost babies or who are struggling to conceive, to take the blame and pressure off themselves and for them to know they’re not alone but their babies are with them.  It’s going to change lives!

Before this moment, I never imagined I would be writing a book, let alone one that would be written in collaboration with my unborn baby and soul mentor I call Rosa. But here we are. Life has a way of moving you onto your path that is beyond what the mind thinks is living or possible.

So where did this inspiration come from and why? Mine and Rosa’s story starts in August 2010 when my husband and I found out we were expecting. This was the fourth time we had become pregnant since being blessed with our son Max in 2007. Between 2007 and 2009 we lived through three miscarriages.

I was both excited and terrified of how this pregnancy would go. An early scan revealed all was well with her little heart beating away.

I then had the strangest experience one night when I was reading in bed and I heard the words come from outside of myself – “mummy I’m sick”.

I am now aware that I am an intuitive with the ability to tune into the energies of people here and in spirit. I didn’t know that back then but when I think of her little words coming to me, gently preparing me, I hold onto that connection we so clearly had. That we all have as mums in fact.

After a number of incidents, my knowing that something was wrong was finally confirmed medically and Rosa wasn’t developing as she should be due to genetic complications. I was told Rosa was unlikely to make it to full term and if she did, there was no idea what quality of life she would enjoy.

The miscarriages were taken out of my control. This was a whole other level – I had to make a choice, together with my husband, but ultimately it felt like mine. I can safely say from that moment on I don’t believe I was present in this world.

Eventually, I started to wonder more about Rosa. Why, and why me? Where is she, who is she? And how am I ever going to come through this.

It took ten years from the moment I made my decision to release Rosa to writing my book. The inspiration for the book, however, came to me in 2016. I was sitting having a drink with two of my gorgeous work colleagues at this time. I had confessed the whole story to one of them; the other knew the surface story. For some reason, perhaps because we had opened a second bottle of wine, when she asked me what had happened, I felt able to tell her. When she asked me how I felt about it now, I replied, “I am so grateful it happened. It’s changed my life. Rosa changed my life.”

Saying those words lit something up in me. How on earth could I now be feeling grateful for an experience that had almost destroyed me? This is amazing, I thought, and slightly bonkers.

On the tube home, I wrote these words on a scrap of paper: “Never in a million years would I have thought I would be grateful for choosing to release my baby.” And suddenly there it was: the knowing that it was Rosa’s choice too; the book, the title, the cover and the purpose – healing for all women on their journeys to motherhood – all there in my mind’s eye. My first conscious, albeit slightly tipsy, experience of channelling Rosa.

By this time I was bringing through messages for people during the Soul Plan Readings I was offering. I also knew I was connecting with what I refer to as Source energy or Creator energy. The image of this book kept floating into my mind until one day I thought – why not see if I can talk to Rosa!

And so I did.

Here are my first tentative questions and Rosa’s very first words with me. Sharing her side of the story alongside my own.

Rosa: “You need to write my words as I express them and don’t question them no matter how much your ego is screaming out for me to stop.”

Me: “When?”

Rosa: “I am ready now – are you? We are going to heal the world with this book, you and I, as we are going to bring through some spiritual truths that have yet to be heard. Be prepared, for some may not be ready, but it is time and you won’t be alone. There are many who are ready and therefore open to a whole new pathway to being in this world.”

Me: “How?”

Rosa: “We can play – we need to play as this is big stuff happening here and it’s important to get it right so people hear the truth of the message. See it as writing fiction. Maybe we do start with me as I can begin the story and lead you into a comfortable place where you can start from your human view. Let’s do that.”

I had no idea where or how to start writing a book. I listened to a couple of masterclasses and attempted to implement the tips I’d learnt. But nothing really felt right, it felt too constricting and forced. Ultimately, this was my personal story as well as an opening to share messages from spirit. It had to come from the heart and through intuitively connecting with Rosa.

There was no planning of chapters only inspiration for the themes throughout the book and then just to write and keep writing until each theme felt complete. The tidying up, putting it all together and editing would come later. A very Unbound way of writing. And of course in the beautiful way the universe works, the publisher I crossed paths with was Nicola Humber of the Unbound Press.

My  journey to motherhood was one thing, the journey writing my book a whole other dive into those patterns, traumas and beliefs we hold as humans, safety, vulnerability, visibility, enoughness. Who was going to read it, what if they hated it, what if I was attacked and judged for it, what if it was rubbish!

But something kept me going, a knowing it was  meant to be birthed into the world. Some of the messages I received from Rosa felt beyond my understanding; One message in particular around IVF and the very big picture reasons underlying why there is a need for this support threw me so much I actually stopped writing for a whole year. Who I am to share all this, I wondered, it’s massive, a completely different perspective on life.

I also realised that the book I thought I was writing was only part of the book that was coming through. It was actually much bigger. Rosa’s Choice  is really three books in one with each part complete in itself as well as a part of the whole book.  From the individual, to the collective and the Universal.

My initial idea to write for women in conception and loss had expanded well beyond this. It took a while for the penny to drop and to realise that of course this book and this life are all about creation! That is who we are, our essence. We are all created, creative and therefore creation; it’s what we’re here for – to create, whether that is a baby, a book, a way of life, anything and everything.

Once I’d taken stock of all the messages and thousands of words I’d written, I began to see more order and accept this book wanted to be more that what I’d initially imagined. I’m not sure I would have signed up to doing it if I had known at the beginning, it would have all felt way too huge for me.

But after a year of resting from the book, healing and processing, the messages and reason behind my book felt much clearer, I was clearer. So if you’re writing a book or wishing to, it’s trusting your book has its own energy, its own sense of what it wishes to be and to connect with your book in this way. It took me a while to realise this, but when I did, the writing process felt so much easier.

In my eyes, Rosa is my baby soul, whom I released on 5 December 2010, in a heart-breaking, life-changing moment of choice. I had no idea at the time, in my sense of  unworthiness, victimhood, and grief, that she was so much more than that. That I was so much more than that.

Our story, I hope, will open your hearts and minds to the full beauty of this life on earth and what it means for each and every one of us, on an individual, collective, and spiritual level.

By Debra Kilby 

Author of Rosa’s Choice. Healing the Wounds of the Mother. A Journey into the world of spirit baby and how we can build a New Earth, together.

Debra Kilby is a spirit baby medium, conscious conception specialist, channel, healer and spiritual guide. Debra supports women on their journey to motherhood, whether they are struggling to conceive, have experienced baby loss or a traumatic birth.

Debra guides women to transform their perception and understanding of themselves and their journey, help them to move from a place of questioning and pain to one of freedom, self-awareness and connection. Debra works alongside spirit babies to help their mums see themselves as they see them – love.