WHO I WAS
I’m Richard. I had what so many dream of. Five incredible children, an amazing wife, a gorgeous house and an extremely successful, well paying career in banking in Leeds. Six years ago I also realised I was a cocaine addict. How did I realise? I was sat, once again isolated in a hotel room, rather than being at home with my family. Sat with four bags of cocaine and a head that was spiralling out of control. Sat with a life in tatters. Sat wondering how the man who enjoyed running around a rugby pitch was now running around in circles in his mind in a dark, sweaty room, somewhere in the city he was supposed to be working in.
THE TURNING POINT
As I contemplated taking my life, thinking I would be giving life back to my family, my eleven year old son rang my mobile phone. “Dad”. He spoke quietly, choking back tears. “I know what you are doing and I just want you to come home”. For the first time in seventeen years of sniffing my life away, I had clarity. For the first time I walked in the front door of my house, able to admit I was broken. Able to finally be honest.
My son and wife came into the room and I said, “I’m an addict”. Something I never thought I would ever be able to admit. I wasn’t a man on a park bench. I wasn’t on the street injecting something into me. What I realised was addicts are all the same. I was not in control of my life. Cocaine was in control of me. None of us grew up wanting to see our life fall spectacularly apart around us. None of us wanted to intentionally hurt everyone and everything around us. None of us wanted to have an extended holiday in a rehab, away from our loved ones rather than a family holiday to the Caribbean.
What all of us wanted was an escape from our minds. What all of us wanted was a way to manage guilt, shame and defects that had haunted us for our entire lives.
What I found, on the day I decided to admit powerlessness and be honest, was a way of changing my life, managing my life and breathing life back into everyone I cared about.
WHO I AM NOW
I used to sit in my car for 36 hours, just with cocaine as company. I used to look out the window and see people shopping with their kids. See couples cuddle and argue and actually speak to each other. I used to see people smiling. I used to wonder how they did that. I certainly never thought I would ever be able to again.
Today I smile. Today I go shopping with my kids. I also take them away, play sport with them and laugh with them. Today I argue with my wife but I also cuddle my wife and speak to my wife. About anything. Today I don’t have to wonder anymore.
Today I carry the message of recovery to others. Today I present a podcast for the Rehab that helped change my life, a Rehab I am now one of the Directors of. Today I listen to other people who used to look out of the window feeling like life was over. Today I help those people find their new life.
I want to share my story with others and bring other peoples stories to you. Please listen to our podcast IN RECOVERY – THE ARK HOUSE PODCAST to help break the stigma of addiction. Every addict is a son, a daughter, a mum or a Grandad.
Do you know someone who may need a helping hand?
BY RICHARD CHAPMAN
Richard is 52 and from Yorkshire. He is now a Director of Ark House Rehab in Scarborough which opened its doors 34 years ago and has helped thousands of people on their recovery journeys. He does a lot of outreach for Ark House, carrying the message of recovery to communities and prisons and organising many volunteering efforts as well as being the host of IN RECOVERY – The Ark House Podcast. This podcast unites people together in the recovery community with the aim to give one strong voice where we share vital resources and advice that will cultivate a supportive environment that ultimately improves the lives of those on their recovery journey. You can find the podcast on all major platforms or click on this link
https://open.spotify.com/show/3NBMTBk881eYzhsj0J3UjT?si=4e3d1df871534e8a
