If there is one thing my work has taught me, in business, in HR, in Law and now as a coach, an equine coach and an organisational consultant, it is this: the presenting issue, the thing that brought them to my door, is very rarely the true reason they walked through it.
Why the surface story is never the whole story
I learned this theory when studying for my masters in systems-psychodynamics for organisational leadership and consultancy. I understand that the unconscious drives a behaviour or a pattern of behaviour, and it even contributes to illnesses, pain and injury. The unconscious is a powerful thing, and the difficulty is right there in the description itself, because it is unconscious we don’t know it’s happening. That is until someone more skilled and objective can help you release the weights holding it down and allow it to rise to the surface.
What this looks like in practice
Here is where I see this in my work as a coach, equine coach, Reiki practitioner and organisational consultant. Someone comes for Reiki to assist with chronic head and neck pain that doctors and specialists have said has no medical reason. What transpires is that this person is carrying the weight of family responsibility, has suppressed his anxiety deep down to appear strong, and has learned to keep going when his body has asked him to stop. Reiki develops into coaching, and he starts to recognise that the emotional pain he has suppressed makes his body tense up, he starts to catch himself clenching his teeth when he feels anxious rather than sharing his fears or sitting hunched up when he is overwhelmed. As the energy blocks release and coaching reveals the long-held patterns, he is a little kinder to himself, and soon he feels less pain, physically and mentally. The headache was never the thing that needed fixing.
Or in a group, I am called into an organisation to assist with the problem team, they are not performing despite being given the same support and opportunities as everyone else. We identify that it is not about the team at all, but what they are representing within the organisation, what they are being asked to carry on everyone else’s behalf. There is anxiety throughout the business about people being let go for performance issues, and somehow the other teams have managed to ‘split off’ their own underperforming parts and give them to this one team to hold. It sounds odd, but it is how group dynamics work.
Or, when equine coaching and the horses say something different to what the client has just told me. The woman recovering from a major illness has told me she is fine and just needs to get on with it, she tries to move the horse, but he won’t budge, instead he lays down and I invite her to sit nearby. This horse is reflecting what her body knows, instead of doing, she needs to sit and be still and reconnect with herself. Now is not the time to ‘get on with it’ instead it’s time to process the last year of trauma.
This is not to say the words on the surface are untruths. Of course, this person has headaches, this team is underperforming, and this woman is desperate to get on with her life. They are just not the whole truth, nor the root.
The skill of unknotting the issue
My skill for getting to the heart of an issue, which I like to describe as unknotting a tangled ball of wool, has taken many years to develop. It is a specialist skill and one that many people do not have, because they take an issue at face value. How I feel before someone even enters the room, or when I am sat with a group about to start the consulting session, or how the horses are behaving before I’ve finished the safety briefing, all of this is data. It is my information from the unconscious, and it is key to my work.
This is not about not trusting what my client has told me. It is about surfacing the thing that is hiding behind the shield that comes in the form of the presenting issue. The headache, the underperforming team, the need to just get on with it.
So I invite you to ponder on the next time you notice something in your own life repeatedly showing up, pause before you try to solve it. What might this thing be trying to protect you from?
It’s not easy to fix your own issues, let me help you unknot the tangled wool
By Claudia De Silva
About the author
Claudia De Silva is an ACCPH Accredited Coach, A LEAP trained Equine Coach, an IPHM Accredited Reiki Master and holds a Master’s degree in organisational systems-psychodynamics. Described by my clients as deeply understanding, kind, client focussed, warm and genuine with a talent for helping clients get to the heart of their issue.
If you would like to discuss any issue – personal or organisational please contact me via www.claudiadesilvacoaching.co.uk or by emailing claudia@claudiadesilvacoaching.co.uk.
