I had survived losing everything in Costa Rica , but nothing prepared me for the day a doctor told me I would never become a mother.Â
In Costa Rica I had a huge infection in my fallopian tubes that my body had been fighting for months.I had treatment and was ready to get on with life. Coming back to the safety of the UK was a relief. Having the medical blanket of the NHS was incredible. I needed it more than ever.
I thought that episode was over but the pain had returned, I couldn’t touch my belly. Paracetamol wasn’t making any difference. I was scared. Was the infection back?
Daniel took me to A&E. I was seen quickly due to my medical history. I was monitored and kept in overnight.
The gynaecological team came to see me in the morning.
“Juliet, you need surgery. You will never get pregnant naturally. You’ve got cysts bursting, fibroids, blocked tubes from the infection, and too much scarring in your uterus for a pregnancy to take. Due to your age, we are not offering IVF. Your best course of action is surgery, a laparoscopy, and if we don’t like what we see, it may result in a hysterectomy.”
I walked out of the hospital. I couldn’t speak. Looking at the floor, fighting the tears back. I blamed myself for leaving it so long to have children. I had never felt ready and couldn’t find a way to fit children into my life.
I had been career-driven, running businesses, working as a firefighter and Shiatsu practitioner, but had put off having a family. Now that decision had been taken from me forever.
We were living in our Airstream on a campsite. My mum would bring us our mail.
“You’ve got a letter from the hospital again.”
I would be shaking inside, fear coursing through me as I opened it.
Your surgery is scheduled, and your pre-op assessment is on this date.
I phoned and got the date moved twice.
The letter came again. Daniel was with me. I felt a boulder of fear in the pit of my stomach.
The letter again.
My mum handed it to me with glee.
“Just get it done,” she said. “Have the surgery and move on.”
My mum had been a nurse, so was a firm advocate for pills and surgery. I, on the other hand, had been a Shiatsu practitioner and had watched my clients’ bodies heal before my eyes.
After my mum had gone, I said, “I can’t go through with it. I hate hospitals, and I can’t end it forever.”
Daniel said, “Just cancel it. We’ll find a way.”
That was my turning point.
I picked up the phone and cancelled my surgery for good.
The thought of overwintering in an Airstream wasn’t thrilling. We took a live-in job doing a few hours a week of cleaning and gardening.
The lady was fighting cancer. She knew our background in holistic health and started to share what she was doing.
I was still in pain each month. I feared my body. I felt separated from it after years of prodding and poking and feeling like it was working against me.
She had breast cancer, and my mum had had it too, the same type, HER2.
What she explained was that it was hormonal breast cancer.
I looked at her protocol and many pennies dropped for me. A lot of it was based on Chinese medicine.
Daniel and I went through it and started to implement some of the protocols: juicing, smoothies, coffee enemas, and Budwig cream.
Daniel and I had written a book in Costa Rica and had gone deep into the Five Elements. This protocol was pointing towards the Earth and Wood elements.
I started to research my symptoms.
The pieces of the puzzle had come together.
I was experiencing oestrogen dominance.
I had been given a diagnosis, but no one had ever explained that my hormones were out of balance.
I had started in January, and by March I was no longer in pain.
Daniel and I sought some help from a couple in Canada around our relationship. So much had happened in recent years. My dad had died. We had lost everything. We couldn’t seem to relate to each other anymore.
Working on some subconscious blocks, I discovered I was afraid of motherhood. I had no bond with my mother and didn’t want to pass that on to my child. I didn’t know how to be a mother. I didn’t want to sacrifice a career for motherhood.
I started to plan what motherhood would look like for me, on my terms.
I created a Mothermap.
In August of that year, we attended Daniel’s brother’s wedding, and I felt peace for the first time in years.
The next month, I conceived my daughter naturally at 44 and gave birth to her when I was 45.
By Juliet Owen-Nuttall
Bio
Juliet Owen-Nuttall is a former firefighter turned fertility wellbeing practitioner who helps ambitious women over 40 move beyond the cookie-cutter fertility approach and reclaim their natural timeline to motherhood. After being told she would never conceive, she became pregnant naturally at 44 and now helps women do the same.
