They Called It Normal Hormonal Mood Swings. It Wasn’t.

Something felt wrong

Before my second child, my cycle had never been something I thought much about. But after my periods returned I didn’t feel like myself for significant chunks of time. I felt weird and a bit lost. My mood was unpredictable, I was finding myself uncharacteristically hopeless and lacking in joy, feeling distant from my family. I had this recurring feeling of observing my family from within a glass cage when we were together, doing family stuff. I was looking on, but at a distance, I couldn’t connect with them or the feelings I knew I should have witnessing my kids being full of joy and fun. I felt dead inside. I was irritable, snappy, having explosive outbursts at my partner and children for the smallest things. Then within a few weeks I would feel like myself again, only to slip back a few weeks later. I had become a Jekyll and Hyde character, like I had a split personality, I was becoming hard to live with, and it was affecting my ability to remain in control of myself at home and work.

Over time I realised something was really wrong, so I went to the doctors for answers. I was told: “Sounds like normal hormonal mood swings” and was offered the pill to stop my cycle. I left feeling dejected, unheard, and questioning my own experience entirely.

Finding PMDD and everything making sense.

I started researching my symptoms. When I first read about PMDD, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, I remember tears filling my eyes as I turned to my husband and said “this sounds just like me.” The relief of having a name for it was unreal. I wasn’t losing my mind.

Put simply: PMDD is an adverse reaction in the brain to your own hormones. The hormones your body produces naturally, every cycle. The symptoms hit in the second half of the cycle (luteal) and they’re not mild. Rage, depression, suicidal ideation, sensory overwhelm, brain fog to name a few. It’s often called severe PMS, but that doesn’t come close. PMDD is to PMS as a migraine is to a headache.

What came after – rebuilding, adjusting and learning to live differently.

Getting a diagnosis was a relief; but it wasn’t a roadmap. There’s still very limited information about how to manage PMDD, and no cure. For most, it’s a case of going to your GP with suggestions and requests rather than them providing the solutions. Connecting with others living with it was one of the most useful things I did.

Following my diagnosis I was off work for 7 months learning to manage symptoms. I still have them, but SSRI medication lessens the impact. I’ve had to continue to monitor and adjust, especially as I’ve moved into perimenopause, something that can hit earlier for those with PMDD. Cycle tracking has been invaluable, learning to lean into the windows where I have more energy and creativity, and recognising when my body needs rest. Working with your body rather than against it sounds simple but it took me years to actually do it.

That important work call where I need to be confident and on my ‘A’ game? Not one for my luteal phase! At home, it often means stepping back from social scenarios, taking time away from my partner and children when I’m experiencing sensory overwhelm. Learning to say no without guilt took longer than it should have.

What it built – from personal experience to public advocacy and Elevelle.

I’ve used my experience to raise awareness of PMDD and other women’s health issues. As Co-Chair of the Women’s Reproductive Health Employee Resource Group in my previous organisation, I ran education sessions and support groups for colleagues living with these conditions. What struck me most was being approached afterwards by partners, fathers and line managers, people who had no idea what the women in their lives were navigating, and who wanted to do better.

I spent years finding a way to manage a condition which blindsided me and completely changed how I navigated life. What I was actually doing was building, without knowing it, an understanding of my own body, a way of working with it rather than against it, and a growing conviction that women deserved better than years of dismissed symptoms and unreliable Google results. In early 2026 I launched Elevelle, an online community where women navigating midlife health, career and life can access expert-led guidance they can actually trust and use. Something that started as the worst period of my life led to the thing I’m most proud of building.

Has something that felt like it was breaking you ever turned out to be the thing that changed your direction for the better?

By Jenny Fairhurst

Jenny Fairhurst is the founder of Elevelle, an online community giving women in their 30s and 40s expert-led, joined-up support across health, career and life. With 20 years in senior HR roles and a personal diagnosis of PMDD, she left corporate life to build the resource she couldn’t find: one that treats women as the complex, multi-layered people they actually are. She is a women’s health advocate, PMDD champion, speaker and writer. Learn more about Elevelle at www.elevelle.co.uk or on Instagram @elevelle_official